Place. Silence. Time. Still. Love. Kills. Thoughts. Cold. Distance. Close…..

It s just when I go to sleep…your the first one who enevolpes my being…my heart is strangled in your core…of disaster, struggles and guilty pleasures.

Dearest i’ve dreamt of you while I was awake…I saw your image being dispensed in the flame….I saw your downfall…come to think of it it was just yesterday..

Unused tissues were my company when I felt you escaping me….darling the sobbing cries echoed in this dark lovable nest….treasured without and within the gray cement cheap bricks we stacked together to declare whose dying but lives longer with the pains from the past…

Letters were burned….feelings were tucked away beneath the blankets that were soft, pure and cleansed fabrics with red stiches that we…..

I am just praying for a bittersweet day when you be abused, distuniguished with depression because i’m fed up with it being always I who suffers the best.

End here, Tears Dry, Lips Smile, You Dissappear or Die.

Unknown. Whisper. Ends. Moves. Death. Love. Express. Warm. Closer. Gone…

why am i writing a story when i have an algebra test tomorow….i need to get some rest oh yes and tomorow i will be scored with pencils of the heart judged on something on a day i was stressed not myself….anywhoo inshallah it turns out for the best be it bad or good….

my days to come and stil am feeling sick and unwell

saturday: i have a history test (god save me) i cant miss that day in school cuz if i do ill be taking a *&%^ing hard test…..which happens to those that skip it but if i skipped it i would have a reason that being “dying trying hard to get out of bed but im so dizzy, feel like *$rfing and headache.”

sunday: i have a semi like final test in chemistry but though not the final those are in 2 weeks 🙁 help me…and also i have a real final in another class now what do you say….i need your time, mine has run out… 🙁 lend your minutes 🙂

moday-wednesday: quizes, tests, and damn toooo much to do in so little time

the days keep getting more stressful as i go along but inshallah everything that happens is for a reason and then come the end of the next 20 OMG 20 DAYS LEFT

sooooooo longggg
i cant wait…patience is running low
everything is running low

now i shall go about this day hitting the books and trying to understand the crap that i will be tested on next weeeek……….my life doesnt seem tempting does it 🙂

but i still feel —– and i hope i can get something done this weekend because am in no mood to stay up late in the night :O( studying my @** ooff

struggle, supress, strength, sense, since, sick, stumble, suprise, survive 😉 the s’s in my life

The below I dedicate to myself….Your Battlefield 😉 when all else fails refer to the below and you can make it past all those obstacles just believe and you can achieve 😉

Emily Dickinson
Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul. And sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.

Aristotle
Hope is a waking dream.

Barbara Kingsolver
Hope is a renewable option: If you run out of it at the end of the day, you get to start over in the morning.

Anne Lamott
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.

Geoffrey Gaberino
The real contest is always between what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing. You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else.

Marcus Garvey
If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.

William J.H. Boetcker
Your success depends mainly upon what you think of yourself and whether you believe in yourself.

_______________________________________________________________________
on another note: i sense i will be getting sick or ill come the next few days i just dont feel like myself lately…..stomachache 🙁 i hate being sick……………..:o(

Dearest darling,

Today you’ve turned a year older, and i’ve become a day wiser understanding the inevitable truth. Forever and always were the words I pledged to you. But now their just overused pathetic words. I scorched so many pages in this notebook leaving just this page for you. The others were wasted drawing images inflicted by you, that defined your hate. I would dream for your repentance and the day that you might see me still. But i can never forgive those who have forgotten me and never knew me well.

I cried in the process of writing you this letter, of ending my decietful lie, that someday you might fall in love with me and at that time I can make you cry. These drying tear’s on this painful letter will be erased with time, but dont think they were never here because darling i’m crying crimson tears. Flooding this white paper with scars and fears….no longer able to settle all thats been and all thats gonna be…..END here END there, doesnt matter because their was never a start…so how define a postion when you’ve been their all along??….

This letter shall be sent to you the day people pay their respects to me, my body, my soul, my everything…it’s the day when i will no longer be…on this planet or that shadow facing you defenselessly. So without breaking my heart, without damaging my soul, the ending i began to a start unknown. Always and for all, never witnessed laughter or smiles for thou soul….goodbye forever and never more….i’m resting peacefully no longer worrying about this broken heart.

Her Soul,

The Battlefield

Well i just finished a chemistry test and it was hard, difficult not what i expected and with or without the studying i just oooof anywhoo away from depressing news to something special and thats gonna shine me with glitter and light…..yes you might have noticed my jackie posted a post on GINA….yes our Gina is coming home and well i missed her endlessly and we got lots to catch up on so with that my days will be fulled with smiles and laughter….they already are but she’ll add more to it….the above was just again meaningless words i wrote….because i dont feel like starting on the project due come the morrow or studying for the english test…:( anywhoo enjoy. smile. cheers. c ya later…and :* excuse the change in font size…something messed up happened and i cant bring it back to normal sorry

today oh today what can i say!!! i met the most kindest soul ever seriously….you would have never guessed someone would be that sweet…

well trackback i got out of school early 😉 yeah babes cause i had an appointment so my mummy picks me up from school we go finish the thingy in freakin 5 minutes….but it took about 45 minutes to reach….damn i could have done what the doctor did in 5 minutes by myself…so useless and waste of time…anywhooo we decided to get lunch for my baby sister who is currently feeling sick since she just got shots….oh yes a check up cause inshallah she’ll be heading out for school next year yeah…. i cant wait to walk her to kindergarten ohhhhh that will be the life me in my last year and my lovely sugar will be there :)….

back to the story so my mummy gives me the cash and i go order from the resturant, and all this time i’m in my school uniform ok…well i get in and literally all i see are guys all waiting, me the only gal there….got scary but not the point…so i stand in line like most decent people would have done…and this guy in uniform, police or something in the navy all of a sudden talks to me…i’m like in my brain mumbling “wtf do you want seriously, did i say i want to talk….i thought he was the rude kind but think again…” so he tells me “oh come on, you get in front of me ishd3wah, its ok….(why i dont know maybe because i was young or watever and he felt i duno…) well at that moment i was like “no no its ok no wallah i dont mind standing”…but no he doesnt take no for an answer so i freakin go ahead order and wait…and then everything goes ackward i tell him mashkoor and well thank you…my order is called out, go grab the food and then depart with a smile on my face….that’s when i realized how we still have kind, decent men in our country :)…brightening up the day…then again i guess i over went with it, its just a kind gesture right?:P

now why i wrote a post about it i have no idea…. 😛

i shall say adios for awhile, have to study for my chemistry test, and no purgatory its not always a chemistry test, algebra too, history, english, etc you name it i got it…inshallah all goes well, so how was your day compared to mine, adventrous i know 😉 …

listening to Nawal’s latest album, love it…. 😉 and i found a song thats got me on replay “Fi Elbidaya…, when i finish her enter cd ill see what else 🙂 anywhoo enjoy the day and sweet dreams !

I have just noticed that my blog has actually been a diary…..thats kept track of my being….dont try to spend the time to comprehend what i speak because this is just my ideal non being, all i am is what i want to be…..blind with words, harm seeks the truth and doodled breathlessly….