I never do this ,, and I never will again ,,

Its a once in a lifetime thing ,,

A sound of relevance.

Confused by everything.

Min meta
Min meta tadri 3an’ah
Min meta galbik da’rah
Min meta
Min meta ya malek el da’mar

Yali kelma mink ten’zil el dam’3ah

Tej’ra7 bus’taan 7ol’lah wu’rood
Enta tadri
Ena el worud
Ma 3a’dat’t worud

Yali galbik sawaad layel wenta mas3ood
Tadri men youma7h magdar atkalem
Magdar agool

En kan fe balek azra3 wardah min jeded
Asfah
Asfah tara thaak el taraab eli kan
Ma 3ad yekoon

Bs 3ndi lik a5er kalam
Yallah ya galb
Nesre
Tara ma 3ad fe thaak el mekan

Ma7boob

Alf mrrh gelt’t’ley ebte3ed 3ani
Alf mrrh gelt’t’elek el’tahab galbi

Alf mrrh je’tek oo galbi me7’taj el 7aneen
Alf mrrh oo dam’3eti tenzil 3ala 5hade a’beek

A’beek te7es feeni
A’beek tet’thakar ma’thee
A’beek te7es 3an galbi
Abeek tadri

Tara ghe’reb el fargah
O adri enta
Enta tem’shi be’3ed

Mebte3ed 3ani

Meb’teli
Meb’teli galbi
Yen’zif mena j’roo7
Damey mithl damek

7ubi kan ak’thar min 7ubik
7ubi lik madri kayef awusef gus’2atni

Ma’gdar eni ma a7ebik

bs enta7a
ebta3adt

Alf mrrh

Ay kelma mink ma tef’rag
Mad’foun fil galb
Jare7i akbar min jar’7ek

Taraak de’fanet galbi fel taa’rab
O madri lo tadrii
Ely mad’foun bil tarab
Me7’taj se’neen me7’taj

wesh feek yale 7abetk fel 3omr
wesh feeni ya shams mebta3ed 3ani el gumar
amshi ..

went be3ed 3anha

o lama sheft el gumar tabkii

mu’thaa

el denya murrh
o galbik 5alee

5ala9 ma feek
5ala9 ma wedik as’ken galbik
5ala9 mebta3ed ba3eed
Alf mrrh geltelek tara denyeti ent kent shamsha
oo al’2an asba7t thel’maha

temshi darbik wallah tadri feni
eli kan fe galbik  .. madri wainey

denyetik ya galbi

ma 3edt tabeeni
galbi endafan

oo me7taaj seneen yeshfa men kelmat 7abeebi

I’m certain I know how this will all end … its in a dream – let’s start from the end.

You picture this … your on a set of swings, your pushing against the wind. The wind pushes you back. You move your body against a force. You push yourself. The wind tries to pull  you back. You hang on tight – your flying along with the wind. You feel so different. And yet, it doesn’t feel so different.

I’m certain I know how this will all end … its in a dream – let’s call it indifference.

If you swing yourself on this rusty old swing – the metal bars will break. I wish I could tell you – that before you sat here, and decided to push against yourself, to try and fly .. that it will all come to an end. The swinging will come to a halt. The smile you painted across your face – that will soon chip off. The paint doesn’t last. The wind doesn’t always help. You picture this, I am on the swing. You push me, and I’m soaring towards the sky. My smile is transparent, and my heart is made of metal. It’s all so rusty – I don’t want to break.

A swing set .. this was so innocent.

This dream you had,  I told you .. I always told you .. keep your dreams to yourself.

I wish I felt the wind brush my eyes, and kiss my lips.

I wish, that good dreams never end.

But …

Lets start, and talk it out. Lets talk.
You start. I’ll remain silent.
Go ahead …

Breathe in …
Breathe out …

The least … you can do … is
open your heart …
Ask about me .. that is the least.
What’s between us .. is more than asking.
Its more than imagining .. its more than living.
Its more  .. you should be asking.

Every heart -  needs a moment – of stopping
Skipping – our hearts beating – Stopping.

Breathing lost …
Breathing again …
Breathing out …

The least … you can do
I’ll tell you … is that … you … should …
Find out if I’m dead from living in life.
Why don’t you live in my heart for just a while.
Just a while .. I wont tell.
I’ll keep you warm .. right inside,
I’ll let you into .. my white heart.
I’ll keep you inside.
I’ll keep our secret
For a life time.
For a long while.
For ever … even if I have to lie.

I’ll stay silent.
I’ll be quiet.

Do you know that what’s between us ..
Is bigger than loneliness ..
It’s darker than a black night ..
It’s a stolen heart .. A broken chain
A miserable look .. It’s the truth.
It’s our truth ….

A
true
feeling
inside.

Your heart only goes through it twice.

I’l stop.
I’l go.
I’l do as much as you ask for.

Do you know
That what’s between us
Is just between us
Is just between a word
Is just between a letter
Is just between a period
Is just between more than expecting

It all will hurt ..
And its worth the hurt ..

You and silence ..
You and I staying quiet ..

The story really just is …
That life is just a simple moment from living and aging
Its very simple and it will end so quick
I’l wrinkle your eyes ..
I’l kiss your lips ..
All you have to do ..
Is just live in my heart ..
For a moment..
I’l keep you inside ..
I’l let you watch me die
I’l touch your heart
I’l ask to live
I’l always ask
I’l always be asking

I‘l always start
What’s between us
Is so much more

Im wrinkled at twenty
Im died inside
But I really am living
And its all….
Because of you.

You bring me to life.

Don’t go away so soon.

madri w’esh agool..
madri la’ish kil’ma be’dait a’gtreb mink teb’te3ed 3ani o t’roo7..
madri la’ish kil’ma me’ni tej’ra7ik..
a’bd yoom ma kan 7el’mi eni a’jra7ik..
madri.. madri wa la’kin a’dri ena a’bd galbi ma ne’beth yo’m le ye’jra7k

madri

madri bs a7’taj .. madri bs wed’ii
madri bs adri .. madri bs a’gool
madri bs a7’taj a’gool
madri o la’kin ba’gool
re’thak enta ghali o a’dri

re’thak o  tad’ri
re’thak o wed’ii
re’thak o ad’ri
re’thak o madri

tad’ry

la .. la madry o la tadry

la bs ba’gool

a7ebik mot.

Ta’dry kay’ef el she’3oor
Kelma ta’wdii
Oo kelma a’roo7

La tegool
Elii fe 3yonik ma yen’gal
Eli fe ga’lbik ma7o ja’wab

Ta’raho mat…
Kil shay yemoot

Goli…
Ent mn tekoon

Ta’dry…
La wallah
Ta’dry…

La…5ala9
Ma’ra7 agool

* * *

لا تعذر وصلك وشوفك تعذر 
حتى طبعك صار يا خلي عجيب
قلبك الي كان يهواني تكبر 
ما بقى مني ومن همي قريب 
حتى دمعك في وسط عينك تحجر 
ما يبكيك الوله لو هو صعيب 

في فؤادك حبي العذري تغير 
يا حسافه صرت بعيونك غريب 
روح انا راضي بحظي والمقدر 
كل واحد في حياته له نصيب 

عزتي ترفض على الظلم اتصبر 
من يبيع الحب ما يصلح حبيب  
لا تعذر وصلك وشوفك تعذر 
حتى طبعك صار يا خلي عجيب

I am tired of overusing the words.
&I am really tired of trying to let you into this heart.

I am tired of listening to the silence kill our anonymous feelings,
& you seem to just willingly want to never budge.
I….give up this so-called lust coated love.

You forget me.
& my insides are all confused.
My heart tells me to let you go,
but I never follow what it suggests.

I never listened,
I longed to voyage back to hurting.
I love your hurt.

I find you a necessary
& I give up.
I surrender.
I need for this to stop.

come to an end.

we did not start.

I have caused too much damage on myself,
to continue floating in the dark waters of unwanted.

Laish tejra7 o tensani?
Laish tegool ma te7ib
……Inta lik 7ob thani?
5ala9 ma tabeeni?
………..7abebi enta shftelik 7ob thani?
yemot il 7ob.

kil 7ob o yemoot.

P.S

i do not bite, i’d love to have some comments.

You want to know my secret.
At night, I forget the world.
I feel at ease when I forget more (like you).
You have never bothered to ask what was sacred.
What is in my world?
My world is now kept a secret.
I am closing my door (behind your departure),
And I prefer the lights off.
I will sleep in the dark again,
And the world is still dead quiet.
Will you miss my secrets, if I am unconscious for awhile?
I want good dreams,
And I want you to stop being in them.

Good night.

I give up.
My heart hurts too much.
I can no longer make any more excuses.
I am heartbroken.

My words are imprisoned.
They are just empty words.
I wanted to tell you.
.
But you love some other,
And that tears me apart.
Into delicate pieces.
My intricate chaos.

Life is going on.
And I’m still dead inside.

I will let the silence
Kill these feelings,
I will let you be.
See you in a world of beautiful worries.
See you within the memories.

I don’t think I exist in your world
&
You can’t understand what you do to me.
I can’t think.
I can’t speak.
I can’t hear.
& If I could,
I’d think of you, I’d speak three words,
& unfortunately,
I won’t be able to hear your voice.
Forget it.
Forget you.
It was never anything.
Don’t worry..
It will go away, give me a few days,
A month and a year.

….

Do you know what’s beautiful,
My realization, a distance.
I’m no longer blindfolded,
I can see.
I see right through you.
Sad yet true,
You were never really special.
And it’s sad that it took me this long,
To realize.
I see now.
I actually rather not.
Give them back.
I want the blindfolds back.
I need them.
I don’t wish to see.
Or Feel.

Do you know what’s beautiful,
My realization, the closer I get
the more steps you take
back,
until your distant.
You let go.
You never had a grip.
I pushed you.
Away.
Stay distant.
I’m letting you go…
So go.
I dont care.
I really don’t.
but i actually do.

Sad
But
Very
Beautiful.

So beautiful,
You know
My realization,
My truth,
It was never beautiful.

Così bella

Your red eyes insisted for a cigarette. So you reached for one from the pack and sandwiched it between your thinning lips. Taking a match you repeadtedly lined it to the matchbox searching for a flame. At last, it surfaced. With trembling hands, you lit the cigarette. Gradually the scent of used tobacco encompassed you. The smoke you exhaled parted those thoughts keeping you wide awake. Hastily, the spent ashes colored your stained shirt and the cigarette sordidly shortened. So you put it out, on the nightstand.

In need of another cigarette, you found none, but matches you held plenty. So you lit match by match, enhaling the faint smell of smoke, and with a sad smile, you blew them out.

Your sleepless night., if only…